The holidays can be a magical time of year. There are twinkling lights, dog-eared traditions, festive gatherings, and awesome gifts. It’s a time where we focus on what’s good. But do we really? There can be a lot going on and sometimes we can get swept away in all that the holidays bring instead of taking the time to separate the treasure from the wrapping paper. Here are a few suggestions.
- Keep it simple.
The holidays need not be elaborate. If you find there’s too much to do and it burdens than benefits your family, consider where change is needed and make it. For example, if decorating the whole house, hanging outdoor lights and decorations along with cooking an elaborate meal are overwhelming, think about what aspects of it bring true joy to you and your family. If no one wants to take it all on, get some consensus on what’s most important and stick to that. Maybe this year the focus is on just decorating the tree, hanging the stockings and ordering the holiday meal. Let your family know that next Christmas is a blank slate, and you can return to doing things as you did in the past or renegotiate the plans.
- Keep it focused.
It’s very easy to miss the true meaning of the holidays. Everything is being marketed as a holiday must-have. It’s the season of new cars wrapped in big red bows, limited edition cranberry laundry detergent, just-for-the-season cereals and fragrances. There’s marketing madness and anxiety about missing out. Is it all bad? No Figure out what’s important to your family and focus on that. So, if the celebration of faith is hallmark of your holiday, how is that being practiced on daily basis? What’s the reason for the season? Make a list of what the holidays mean for you and your family. Post it on the fridge as a reminder so when shiny new things pop up you can refocus. Plan activities, attend events, make purchases and gifts that align with what the holiday means for you and your family and let the other baubles and tinsel of everything else fade into the background.
- Give generously.
The holiday is a time of giving. The old adage: it’s better to give than to receive, is one that can be taught, even to young kids during this season. They can learn by example. What are we saying? Skip the lavish gifts for your kids? Not necessarily. We all want to give our kids good gifts. Giving should be based on the size of the heart not the size of the pocketbook. Let’s help our kids re-think what giving means and to realize we all have something we can give. If you bake, make a few extra cookies and ask your child if there’s someone with whom they might share the treat. Perhaps, it’s a neighbor or another family.
Are you shopping for the holidays? Maybe you can pick up a few extra groceries to be placed in the donation bin outside the store or at a homeless shelter. Perhaps, it’s having your older child offer put the garbage bins on the curb for an elderly neighbor during the icy winter season. Maybe it’s volunteering to visit a home for the aged in January when there’s less visitor traffic. It can be as simple as calling a friend to say hello.
If your kids were showered with gifts last year, your family may wish to have a conversation about that. Does your child really need another twelve action figures (of which 2 are duplicates)? We don’t want to deny or kids gifts, but we do want, to at least, help them to consider donating a not-so-cherished gift to someone in need. Both the conversation and the outcome will be different across families and for kids at different developmental stages—and that’s okay. The real gift is opening up the child’s awareness about gift giving, sharing and consideration of others, particularly those who may have less.
- Give good words.
While it may be season of good cheer, sometimes finding kind words and gifting them those around us is not easy. It’s a perfect time to help your children to share kind words. Here’s an activity, ask your children to come up with a list of positive words. That can include adjectives like: thoughtful, cheery, encouraging, forgiving, kind, truthful, just, generous, and playful. Put the list up on the fridge or a place of prominence. At the dinner table ask your child how (not if) they witnessed any of these characteristics in their day. For example, “Ashley was kind today, she gave me a paper towel to clean up the spill.” If they are comfortable, they may wish to thank the person for their kindness. When we encourage our children to see good in the world, they will. It’s all around us, if we choose to see it.
Overall, there’s a lot going on during the season. Be intentional about what it means for you and your family. Keep it simple. Focus on what’s meaningful. Show kindness and words and actions. Wishing you peace and joy during the season!
Dr. Adrine McKenzie is Child-Clinical Psychologist in Fort Lauderdale, FL. She specializes in working with children, adolescents and families. If you are a struggling with parenting and need strategies to help smooth things at home, Dr. McKenzie is compassionate and experienced and happy to offer you a 15 minute consultation. Contact her at: www.adrinemckenzie.com or 954 -681- 1658