We all likely experience anxiety at some point in our lives. Our children experience anxiety too. Anxiety is characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes (APA, 2024). Anxiety serves an important function in our lives and not something we want to rid our kids of. It helps us to recognize and respond to threats and dangers around us. However, excessive levels of anxiety that curtail or impair our daily functioning may need to be addressed. Here are some suggestions you can try out at home but seek professional mental health support if needed.
Signs and symptoms of anxiety
Some of the common worries among children and teens are:
- Performance at school or in sports or other activity
- Fitting in, being liked by peers
- Their future
- Safety of parents, loved ones or themselves
- Natural disasters, catastrophic events or weather conditions
- Appearances, how they are perceived by others
Symptoms of anxiety show up in different ways including in what kids think and say, in their behaviors and in their physical bodies. Common expressions of anxiety include:
- Fatigue
- Changes in sleep habits (too much or too little)
- Mood problems such irritability, anger low tolerance for frustration
- School refusal and avoidance
- Stomach aches, headaches, crying, nausea, tightness in the chest and diarrhea, rapid breathing, shaking and trembling
- Difficulties concentrating, hypervigilance, restlessness,
- Asking a lot of questions (e.g., when will you be back?) and constantly needing reassurance
- Avoidance behaviors
- Anxiety can develop as a paired association. That means the anxious symptoms become associated with something that does not typically elicit anxiety, such as a situation, event or object. If, for example, a child experiences a panic attack at school for the first time. A panic attack is a sudden, uncontrollable fear reaction where the person may feel like they are dying or losing control. If the child associates school with intense anxiety and starts perceiving or thinking about school as threating, it can trigger further anxiety or additional panic attacks.
Tips to help kids cope with anxiety
There are a lot of things we can do to help our kids cope with symptoms of anxiety.
Identify it
Try to help your child recognize what causes them to feel intense anxiety. That’s probably the first step.
Validate and empathize
Children’s thoughts, emotions and experiences are real to them. So, regardless of what you think or feel about their experiences, your children need to feel heard, validated and understood. Empathizing and affirming what they are experiencing doesn’t mean yo u agree. Don’t undermine or amplify their fears.
Encourage tolerating anxiety
It’s important for your kids to know that their anxiety level will diminish over time while exposed to the stressor. We want kids to know that anxiety has a natural duration, a “habituation curve” and their anxious symptoms will diminish over time with exposure to the stressor. Anxious symptoms always goes away! It takes some work but encourage them. Let them know you are there to help. Loud and clear, the message your child should be getting is, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this.”
Try to avoid a long lead up
If your child is afraid of going to the doctor, it may be best to give sufficient time for them to prepare. But not so much time that they become overly fixated on the visit. It’s the anticipatory period that can sometimes be the hardest, so efforts to minimize the length of this period can be helpful.
Practice deep breathing
Kids can calm themselves by practicing deep breathing. There are a lot of books, videos and apps to help. Practice, practice practice!
Practice Role-play
If your child is worried about a specific situation, help them to talk it through. Role-playing or rehearsing the worry-inducing situations (e.g., going to a birthday party), may be help boost confidence and reduce uncertainty.
Model Good Coping Skills
You are your child’s best teacher. Let them know that you sometimes get anxious (we all do) and demonstrate how you cope with stress in your life. Let your kids see how you manage and tolerate daily challenges calmly and positively!